I haven't written in a while. I've been so busy and overwhelmed. But I finished semester one with okay grades (could be better, and they will be this semester.) I'm pissed right now. Apparently pretty much everyone at my school thinks I'm a bitch, and some of them are my "friends". I mean, okay, I know that I am a bitch! But I am practically never mean to people's faces. Do people just call me that because their self esteem is low and they want to bash on somebody? Thats what people tell me, but I think that it's true maybe that people don't want to be my friend because of that. It sucks. I mean, I am a lot nicer to new people and people I haven't been friends with for a long time this year than I ever have before and it sucks that it is just backfiring at me. And the people who say this stuff are people I don't even know. I guess that should make it bother me less, but it doesn't. Because if the people that I DON'T know are saying that, what are the people I DO know say about me? It's so frustrating. And having been called "lesbo" is just fucking annoying. Stop, okay? I'm not a lesbian. And I don't know what makes people use it in a negative way towards me. It's like people steer clear of me just because of things they've heard other people say. And these other people don't know me. I just don't know what to do about it.
And of course the fact that my friend overdosed on sleeping pills a couple nights ago isn't making my life any easier, or the fact that I found out she actually had a miscarriage. What the hell?! She is in the tenth grade. I don't know.
I'm just overwhelmed and not happy right now. I still know there are people who have it way worse than me. But would you rather have a place to live and be warm and have no friends (yes I have friends but it seems to be dwindling somewhat) or be homeless and have lots of good friends and people who liked you?